Self-hatred

A few weeks back I had the pleasure of attending a "Resilience: Strength through Compassion and Connection" conference. It was a two-day event consisting of workshops, videos, lectures, meals, etc. And at the end of the second day, the Dalai Lama spoke to us. He's such a humble and great man with an infectious laugh and although I'm not a part of his religion, I wholeheartedly believe in many of his teachings.

One of the most striking things I learned was from a speaker who was referencing a past conference with the Dalai Lama. She said that during the conference, someone had asked, "What do we do about self-hatred?" His Holiness's translator was trying the best he could to translate the question for him, but in the Tibetan language they have no word for "self-hatred." When the translator finally got the basis of the question across, the Dalai Lama started to cry. He couldn't understand how anyone could hate themselves.He couldn't grasp the idea of a culture of people who despised themselves.

I know our culture pushes us into perfectionism and satisfying others but since I heard about the Dalai Lama's reaction to self-hatred, it really has made me notice how much of our time is spent critiquing ourselves. I think it's healthy to strive to do a better job in some areas, but I think it's so unhealthy to continuously be down on ourselves about appearances and self-worth.

Since the conference I've caught myself saying things that I'm not proud of, but that I don't even think about before saying them. Just yesterday I was at the grocery store and I was talking about wanting to eat healthier because "I just want to be skinny." Not because it was healthier, or because I wouldn't feel as tired, but just because I wanted to be skinny. I think that's pretty pathetic. Also, yesterday I made a silly little mistake and I mumbled "I'm stupid." I hadn't realized I said it until my boyfriend responded, "No. You're smart, intelligent, and beautiful." And I couldn't believe what I had just nonchalantly said.

It's so sad to me how much we constantly put ourselves down, and sometimes need others to pick us back up. It's like we need reassurance from others that we're good enough, when we should already know that we are.

Just the other day I was reading something online that was a letter from a dad to his baby daughter. In the letter he said he was looking at top Google searches around the world, and one was "How to keep him interested." In the letter he told his daughter that if she had to strive to be good enough, the man wasn't for her, because just being herself should be good enough for someone who loved her.

It really disgusted me that so many people think that they have to strive to be "good enough" for someone else and that they have to work to keep someone interested. Compatibility and love are diminished by these concepts and it's sad to see society taking this downturn.

I'm not going to make this into a preachy and cliche post by saying "You're good enough by just being you!" I'm just going to say it makes me sad knowing that self-hatred is so prominent in our society and it makes me envy the cultures that can't even grasp the concept of self-hatred--the cultures that are constantly content with who they are.